Birthdays
At some point in life, I just kind of gave up on my birthday.
I have a long history of bad ones. Like the one where I started my day with a massive spider crawling up my shoulder, or my 18th where I ordered tickets to go Download Festival starting on my birthday, and Royal Mail lost them1.
I think the one that spurred me on though was when I tried being an extrovert and actually doing something for a change. Bunch of us, down the pub, food and booze, and it was just awkward as hell. That was around the time I just decided that I didn't really care, it's just another day. Besides, life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect them.
My wife is the main culprit. She deals with chronic pain issues, and for years it became a running joke that whenever I booked time off, she was sure to have a flare up. My birthday was no exception to that but I never minded; I'm always up for an excuse to just lie around the house and chill with my wife and dog.
Other than that, there's just things that come up. This year, the roof needs looking at again, plus a couple of surprise bills kind of took up our budget for a meal out. Plus I had a referral for some symptoms I've been having for a while, and the NHS in their wisdom booked the ultrasound for 3:30pm on my birthday. All clear, but no the most comfortable way to spend the afternoon2.
Having low expectations though meant that none of that really mattered. Sure, it would have been nice to enjoy a rare meal out, and it definitely would have been preferable not to have a bunch of tests. On the other hand, I always book a couple of days off work as a just in case, so I didn't have to deal with any of that stuff on top of everything. Plus, I still managed to have an ice lunch, and spent a long weekend building a calming, if fragile, peace.
I'll take that over a big night out any day.
There is still a part of me that longs for more though. Mainly I think because I feel distant from a lot of friends, a distance I made through trying to 'protect' myself when I hit low point after low point. I don't hold on to a lot of clichés about how 'school will be the best days of your life', but I do miss that social side. The closeness with a large group of friends, vs the distance built by adulthood, moving, and other issues.
Problem for another day though. Today's the last day of a long weekend, and I fully intend on maximising that. Moving on by staying still on the sofa.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post and want to read more of the same, you can subscribe via email or RSS. Mailing list subscribers get a bonus post every Sunday.